Gratitude

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I’m writing this post because I feel like I need 
to put out into the universe, my gratitude for my health.  

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I would like to believe, that by putting gratitude out to the universe, 
good things will come your way.  

So today, I am SO thankful.
And I’m saying it out loud.

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As you may know from this post, in February 
I ended up with pulmonary emboli as a result of a surgery I had just had.  

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And since then, for the past 6 months, I feel like I have been holding my breath (literally and figuratively) waiting for this time to pass, to heal, then to be given a clean bill of health.  

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It’s not been an easy time…

  1. Pulmonary emboli are scary.  Scary.
  2. I felt very alone at times.
  3. This has been very hard on my husband too.  I haven’t been a complete ray of sunshine.
  4. I had to complete a 6 month treatment of blood thinners and I did not like being on them at all.  Don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful for them, but I didn’t like having to take them.  I had to watch everything I ate and drank (I desperately miss kale, broccoli, cabbage and ginger tea), because so many things react with this type of medication.
  5. And with this medication I also had to have constant blood work done at the lab.  Sometimes 3 times a week, some times once every two weeks.  A small price to pay for my life, but it was a constant reminder of what I was healing from, and I was tired of being reminded.  Not to mention bruised inner arms just aren’t sexy.  😉
  6. During my 2 day hospital treatment back in February, I had a resident spew all his medical theories out to me. Not cool.  He had no idea the seeds he planted in my mind.  This takes me to #7.
  7. I suffered from some major anxiety for about 2 months.  Then 4 months of niggling anxiety, waiting to have this all be over and done with.
  8. I am superstitious, and didn’t want to plan anything too far ahead because I was afraid that if I did, I was being greedy… I felt like I should wait for a clean bill of health.  I know that seems crazy, but it’s how I felt.  I think it stems from the fact that I also felt so much shame for all of this.  It’s not rational I know, but when facing dark fears, rationale sometimes just isn’t there.
  9. I constantly dreaded my 6 month check up with the pulmonologist (I hate CT scans, breathing tests, blood work and waiting…).
  10. Waiting is not my strong suit.  I want things resolved like yesterday.
  11. I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop…

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So needless to say, I’ve been a little distracted as of late.
Worry consumed me and I can’t be creative when I’m distracted like that (but who can?).
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But today, after a loooooooong wait, I finally got the news I was waiting for.  
I’m healed. 
I’m all done with this chapter in my life. 
 I’ve let my breath release and it’s time for me to move ahead.  
No more niggling worries.  No more.  
I’m back to my life (and my blog) and it’s time to get focussed.  I’m getting focussed.  
And I’ve got lots of ideas and posts coming up that I am super excited about!
Right after I sleep for about 3 days getting rid of all this pent up adrenaline, hahaha 

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So thank you universe.  Thank-you!

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Life is good.
Life is good!

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There is a follow up to this post, as it turns out my journey did not end here…but I promise it all turns out great.  Better than great.
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